mariteaux

mariteaux (no caps) is a Flareon, amateur web developer, musician, cult leader, and writer hailing maybe sorta from somewhere between the multiverse. At his peak, he was known for such daring acts as stanning carpet, making fun of Leroy's genitals, always being right, writing intentionally inflammatory essays about Neocities' wasted potential, and making sure everyone knows that owlman is and always will be a pedophile.

Flying too close to the sun did the fox in, unfortunately. mariteaux is no longer active on Neocities, but leaves its exclusive content and this slimmed-down layout in his place. Contact information can be found at the bottom of the page in case you'd like to get in touch. He's a nice guy, really.


Essays

December 2018

November 2018

October 2018

September 2018

August 2018

January 2017


Reviews

Album Artist Summary Year Rating
Your Body Will Be Failure How they let this one go to mastering, I don't know. 2018 Eh
Trench Twenty One Pilots They managed not to dig a hole this time. Impressive. 2018 Good
Little Dark Age MGMT Only if you're trying too hard. 2018 Good
In the Future Failure An appetizer about how unappetizing the future looks. 2018 Good
The Furthest Thing Failure History, it takes a while to see through. This EP does not. 2018 Good
In Vitro Graffiti Mechanism Low-bit techno that excels despite a lack of cohesion. 2014 Good
Thank You Happy Birthday Cage the Elephant Absolutely fucking bipolar. 2011 Great
Fuckers in Fucking Hole for Fuck This Not Beated Horribly impolite. 2008 Good
Modern Guilt Beck A frank and oddly French foray into paranoia. 2008 Great
The Tender Ass EP Old Oldman Spanky spanky, but you won't know it at first. 2007 Great
Robbers and Cowards Cold War Kids Hey, thieves need amazing bass grooves too. 2006 Great
...Go Down Swinging! The Acro-Brats Temper tantrums done quick. 2006 Great
Carnavas Silversun Pickups No, the singer isn't a girl. Funny you mention that, though... 2006 Classic
Blogging EP lost kluster Way cooler than blogging. 2006 Good
Apologies to the Queen Mary Wolf Parade Apologies to anyone who bought this record. 2005 Eh
I Am the Portuguese Blues Starflyer 59 As monochrome as its cover, but that's not an insult. 2004 Great
Future Perfect Autolux A poppy whirlwind with an airtight tracklisting. 2004 Classic
Everyone Down Here Earlimart Silver Lake heads seaward. 2003 Great
Stargazer Stella Luna The mystique matches the music for once. 2002 Great
The Fashion Focus Starflyer 59 Blackness fiends and engine dreams. 1998 Great
Homogenic Björk As beautiful as Iceland; as incomprehensible as Iceland. 1997 Good
Curb Nickelback Now wait, hold on... 1996 Good
As Good as Dead Local H A fuckin' ugly highlight reel of 90s angst. I'm in love. 1996 Classic
Pacer The Amps Rock in rehab. 1995 Great
Foo Fighters Foo Fighters Dave Grohl used to be weird, man. 1995 Classic
Magnified Failure As fun as songs about car crashes and arsons get. 1994 Classic
Electra2000 Hum Pummel pommel pumble. Yehhhhhh. 1993 Great
Angel Dust Faith No More Alt metal? Art metal. 1992 Classic
Gala Lush IT'S SO FUCKING SHINY. 1990 Classic
Lungs Big Black Prime Big Black? No. Primal Big Black? Absolutely. 1982 Good
Chronic Town R.E.M. Chiming, eerie, mirthful, and I have no clue what it means. 1982 Great

Contact information and other sites


Tell the world, "Whatever
Turns you on is fine with me as long as
somnolescent Matches don't get wet."

Warm winds
Calling me a coward make me smile
They can't convince me now.